Tuesday, 9 February 2016

Stressing about stressing

I haven't been very good at writing so far in 2016. I'd like to get better so that I have a journal of sorts about this journey. Truth be told, all I feel like all I'm doing is waiting...and waiting...and waiting. My period should start next week (I was hoping for Thursday or Friday so that I could get a Saturday appointment in the fertility clinic and less time off work) but I don't think that's going to happen. I should have ovulated by now for that to happen and I don't think I have yet. Typical!!

This delayed ovulation is just serving as another reminder to RELAX, STOP STRESSING, CHILL!!! If only it were that easy. I have to say I have to give myself an A for effort on that front though. Even if I'm not succeeding all the time, I'm definitely putting a lot of energy into relaxing! I'm still doing plenty of yoga, walking a few times a week, acupuncture etc. After a good chat (which was preceded by tears and shouting, let's be honest), my husband has been great around the house, doing things that I normally would so that I don't have to worry about them. I'm not sure what other relaxation tools I have in my arsenal? I did download a relaxation track for IVF but yesterday when I remembered that it was sitting unused in my iTunes account, the little stress monster crept in demanding to know "when exactly I plan to make the time to listen to it?" so I've put that on the back-burner. I'm stressing about stressing and stressing about relaxing. Sigh.

I don't paint a pretty picture but it's not all bad. For the most part, I'm sleeping well and soundly (very unlike me) and genuinely, lots of days I feel fine. I bit the bullet last week and let my boss know that I'd have several medical appointments coming up and I had no idea what date any of them were (cryptic!) and she was fine with it. Work and injections have been my two biggest worry-triggers so I definitely felt a huge weight off having the work worry removed. Now I just need to worry about the injections. That's it! Oh and of course the raging hormonal side effects of them. And then just the small matter of whether this all goes to plan...it turns out even I have my limits to how much I can worry about simultaneously. I'm guessing I'll make space in my mind for these new worries over the next week or two. Ah yes, it's all under control...

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