Saturday, 19 December 2015

We got dumped!

M got the results of his repeat semen analysis yesterday. Our Napro doctor called him to let him to give him the news over the phone. Although there was some improvement, she said it wasn't enough and that they couldn't help us anymore. We completely appreciate their honesty but of course a small (childish) part of me was thinking "we were going to break up with you once we got these results anyway!" Let's be honest, we've  been "estranged" from each other for a while now. I haven't called in with monthly blood results since October and we were only "continuing" with them until we got the results of the analysis.

Nonetheless, it's still a bit disheartening that they feel we're a lost cause - even though we had already decided they couldn't help us. They're not supposed to think that!! When M told Dr. C that we have already come to conclusion that we're going to need ICSI, he was met with radio silence. I guess she doesn't approve! Whatever. We're still very grateful for the advice they gave us over the last 8 months or so but our Napro chapter is now officially closed.
On to the results. I was pretty happy with them I have to say. I feel for M because although he said all along that he expected this, I can tell that he's super disappointed and disheartened. I know that he feels guilty and even a bit useless (his own words) and I wish that I could make him see that it's not the case. I try and try to convince him that none of this is his fault (especially the part that he keeps forgetting - my womb issues) but it falls on deaf ears.

Regardless, we knew we were getting ICSI and there was no way in the world that we would get the kind of improvement that would upgrade us to normal so it was never going to change our plans. Even if they suggest we're suitable for regular IVF, we still want ICSI. We're leaving nothing to chance. Hopefully now though we have slightly more sperm to choose from. Count went up ten times higher to 2  million (still severely low) and the motility and morphology is still extremely poor but I figure 5% of 2 million is a vast improvement on 5% of 190,000. That's after about 6 months of clean eating, post varicocele surgery and a boatload of supplements. Who knows what the results could be in a years time? I don't know why I'm the only one feeling uplifted by this but any movement in the right direction is good news as far as I'm concerned.

Now on to something else that I really can worry about - my phone consultation with Dr. K on Monday, giving us the results of M's genetic testing and the test for the stickiness (?) of my blood. Please God let it be good news that IVF can go ahead in February as planned. I don't think I could handle two clinics breaking up with us in the one week - Santa do your thing and grant my wish PLEASE!

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