Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Here we go again

Today is the start of IVF number 2. So far so good...1 ultrasound, 1 blood test and 2 injections in and I'm feeling okay. I can't wait until it's over.

Something that concerns me about my attitude is that I feel like, subconsciously, I'm looking on this IVF (and potentially future IVFs) as a "tick the box" exercise. I can't see it working. I can't see myself ever being pregnant or having our baby. It's so sad! It's a horrible way to think but as I say, it's subconscious. I'm operating solely on the basis of having no regrets in years to come. I want to be able to live with myself, and know that I've done everything I can.

Part of me feels like I need to retrain my mind but another part feels like I'm protecting myself. If I don't have too much expectation surely I won't have too much disappointment...except it doesn't work like that. This whole thing is heartbreaking.

Apart from our increase in supplements, the only difference is that they're taking me in for an extra scan this time to monitor me more closely. I think they might have done egg collection earlier, or else reduced my Gonal F earlier last time if my scans hadn't been so far apart. That doesn't change the fact that they think it's a sperm issue though. Oh well, we'll see. Hopefully things will be different this time. Some days it's easier to feel positive about that than others, but I will persevere!

Overall, 1 day down, I'm feeling fine. Long may it last.

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