Wednesday, 16 March 2016

Living life

I've been feeling a bit better the past couple of days, after a very emotionally fraught weekend. We have booked a holiday for 5 weeks time and the planning and booking has given me something else to focus on and I've been feeling very excited and positive, which is a lovely change. We have also been going out for dinner and I've been making plans with my friends. Basically we're taking our lives back for a little while before we get ready to devote ourselves completely to IVF again.

It's strange, I was saying at the weekend that I felt so much calmer and happier in the middle of my cycle than when I'm trying to live life normally. I suppose it makes sense to some degree, in that I feel like I'm being proactive and have something tangible to focus on for those couple of weeks, as opposed to a far off dream for the future.

I'm struggling a little to get back into a routine however. I'm still finding it hard to focus and my mind is still racing but I guess we're somewhat in a state of limbo at the moment. Maybe after our appointment with our doctor on Monday, I might be able to quieten my mind. Or an information overload will send me into a spin...

I have to say the aftercare from our clinic has been second to none - a nurse rang me everyday for about 4 days after we got the news last week and although I didn't get to speak to anyone (I'd rather not talk to them while I'm at work), it was nice to know they were there and that we hadn't fallen off their records as failures. I got another call on Monday from a lovely nurse, who was just checking in. We had a good chat about what might have gone wrong (egg quality, sperm quality etc) and what supplements we could take to improve things. She suggested we wait 3-4 months before going again which threw me a bit. I had May in my head and thought two months was a generous waiting time but apparently not. I think we'll go with whatever our doctor suggests (within reason!). Hopefully no longer than 3 months. The waiting gets VERY old! In the meantime, I'm trying to enjoy the wait and take a holiday from my busy infertility obsessed mind.

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